May 24, 1999
Cloud Rabbits
lying at five
in a suburban
flat sod backyard
hearing my mother
call to me
luring me
with
Conair-grilled
American cheese
sandwichesbut I am busy
feeling
the Fall of 1975
blow over me
through the
chain-link fence
setting plastic swings
to swinging
over my Kool-aid
stained mouth
Beagle puppy
scarred kneesclouds then
contained
simpler pictures-
rabbits and
pointed-hatted witches
recreated in cheap
vinyl Walgreen's
Halloween costumes
that stuck to the
backs of Texas kids
those were
pre-razor-blade
in the Snickers
hospital xray holidays
when emergency rooms
were for stitches
and jungle-gym injuriesthen, the NASA
jets from Ellington Field
hit their sonic booms
above me
when the speed of sound
was still worth
achieving
still considered
very very very fast
the St. Augustine grass
shook hard
and I squinted
into the sun to see
that gleaming metaland that was the loudest noise
I had ever heard
until last night
again flat on my back
feeling the Fall of 1998
during a late New England
summer storm
lightning hit
the window panes
above my bed
like an electric negative
of a Franz Kline canvas
and the simultaneous thunder
broke through those
sonic booms
must have torn inside
these rooms
and I knew
some ancient religion's
heaven had just
been rent open
that some child's
cloud rabbits
were splattering
across the rooftops
Counterfeit Kelly
You were watching
"Married with Children"
on the new wide-screen
t.v. from Service Merchandise
that made Al Bundy's face so huge
it scared the cat
and you said,
"Looks like they've got a different
actress playing Kelly this season."
and I said,
"What the Hell, Dad!
No they don't.
That's still Christina Applegate.
She's always played Kelly.
She's just got a new hairstyle."
as if the FOX network executives could have
pulled that off and snuck in a new blonde
in the middle of the Burbank night
with no public warning
from Entertainment Tonite
And, to this day,
I know you don't believe me
and still cling to the idea
of a Counterfeit Kelly.You're thinking of "Roseanne"
and the two Beckys
or of "Bewitched"
and the two Darrens
You should believe me
on this one
and on all things media
I am
hard-wired
plugged-in
remote-controlled
and humming
with
copper-wire
digital interference
and you should listen this time
in this format
and forget the
Counterfeit Kelly
and stay away from
"Days of Our Lives"
as a precaution
not even I
could explain
that whole
Roman/John Black
mess
Fog in the Fenway
Isabella's
black lace of fog
blending away
all Boston
street back groundWhere is the fog in a room
when all the windows are open?plenty to obscure inside some spaces
when some spaces inside need obscuringand these do
more than cataloguing each
ceiling tile
floor board
corner fixtureripped from the world's clear-light places
Are those spaces sun-filled now?
Where is the sun in a room gutted to its core?
ancient savanna light endlessly bouncing off homeless bones
until bleaching them brokenThis missed your first-class voyage home
as you sailed back into familiar North Atlantic mistBut, I know there was
a child of yours
before the parading lions
before the purse-strings snappeda small boy that once filled your rooms
with the clarity that children run
just in front ofa too-short life
before the
pretty
petty
clutterwas
sent in
set into punctuate the Fenway fog
and muffle any random sound
mistaken for a child
Irishmen in Zambia
He was the first
of very thin tall men
these grooves on my nerves are his
for others to fit into
amazed and sinking and sighing
at an easy painless fit
as I remember the hip-bones
that numbed a seventeen year old girl"You have a beautiful back, Smiley."
So I boarded the plane the next day
without turning
and asked the stewardess
to keep those little bottles of
Gordon's Gin coming
to seat 27B all the way
to Frankfurt-Am-MainI know it's morning
but I'm seeing the shadows
of two nights back here
and likely everywhere
for the rest of my life
and he is so pale
but shining as he moved above me
in moonlight
holding my hand above my head
and I could see up my own dress
in his mirror-polished
black patent leather wing-tips
he looked good against black and
my dress was black
and shed glitter
onto his suit
his hands
into his hair
his beer
all evening long
all over Salzburg....slow..slow..quick..quick
"What does your father do, Sparky?"
(spin in...spin out)
"As near as I can tell,
although I don't pay much attention,
he specializes in moving in
after African coups
with United Nations money.
He buys stability."(parallell... slow... slow... quick... quick... together)
"And does he look like you?"
(corner step... turn)
"Some might say he does.
but I don't see it."(slow... slow... quick... quick)
"Then he probably does, Sparky.
So, your father, in his way,
looks good against black as well.
He's made a career out of it.
Two blonde Micks from Galway unleashed on
a continent or on a girl..."(slow... slow... dip... up)
"But Smiley, he doesn't walk through
Zambian airports with glitter on his hands,
and he's never seen what I'm
seeing right now reflected
on his shoes.(quick... quick)
And that, Smiley, is the real shame
of it all."(spin... out........)
Copyright © Jennifer Boudreaux
All rights reserved.Jennifer Boudreaux is a graduate student at Simmons College in Boston. She currently resides in Portland, Maine, in the West End Parkside neighborhood.
